DARK SEASONS OF LIFE

The last place anybody wants to be is that dark hole, so deep one can barely see the light. It is a place where laughter feels like rain in the dessert; so hard to come by. Just the other day it seemed like I had everything I needed. I had a good job, great friends that were closer than family, a great fiancée that I loved and a united family that was always there for me.

I have no idea how I got into this hole, I am still trying to figure everything out. I fell sick, i lost my job, a break-up, i can count my true friends with just one hand and family is another story altogether. They say that nothing happens out of the blues, that it is a gradual process we often ignore only to realize it when we are at the end of the rope. But this is a puzzle I can not solve at the moment.

I am in that dark hole and I have been for the last few months. Nothing seems to matter any more and nothing seems to be working for me. When there is no one close to blame it all on, i blame everything on me. I have to blame it on something or am going to go mad. I should have read the signs. I should have been a better person; I should have done something! anything!

How can someone loose everything in one season? How can one bare all that loose on her own? I am not perfect but do believe that i am a good person.
I feel numb, and I don’t know how to get out of this dark season of my life, all I know is that it is not a place I could wish on my worst enemy. I got to gather the little strength left, climb out, one step at a time and get to the light in the solid ground.

I can not wait for the day I can smile without hurting, the day I can laugh without feeling like I should be crying. The day the dark cloud disappears and sunshine smiles down on me.

I salute all those who have gone through that dark season and came back strong. I salute all those who put a smile while they’d rather be crying or complaining. Those strong enough to hope, wish and pray for a better day even when all their faith is gone.

My first step will be to count my blessings. Though it feels like I have nothing, I still have breath in me and the love of an angel always watching over me through it all.

and THAT IS ENOUGH FOR ME TODAY.

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BROKEN but not CRUSHED

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

I'll never be able to return your love,
How you would love a person like me,

I still can not comprehend,

How you pick me up from the ground every time I fall,

How you wrap your loving arms around me and keep me safe,

How your eyes look down at me with so much adoration I can’t grasp,

How you whisper words of love and inspire me to be the best.

How patient you are with me,
Loving me with my imperfections,

I keep waiting for the day you will give up on me,

But you are with me when the morning comes,

Your eyes glued on me,

Telling me that you are here to stay,

Overlooking all my mistakes,
and loving me unconditionally.

I am still trying to find myself,

Be the person you need me to be,

Make you proud to call your own,

I feel like I hardly know my own name,

Sometimes my heart feels like giving up,

But my soul gives it a fighting chance,
And my fighting soul aches for you.

Today I want to give it another try,

Though I feel like I have run out of chances,

I know your mercies are new every morning,

When the morning comes,

 I will lock your promises in my heart,

And seal them with your love,

Tomorrow I am waking up to new mercies,

I am down on my knees, with tears in my eyes,

Begging you to take me in, to bind me with your love,

I am a fighting soul still searching for you,

Your unconditional love is what keeps me going,
Because you are my God, my Father and FRIEND!